smell my finger.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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