I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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