My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
