I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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