I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
