i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
