i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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