Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
