Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
