New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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