I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
