He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
