Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
