Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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