The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
