Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
