New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
