need another drink. this is the easiest way
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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