ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Randomize
