So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
