Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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