he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
is it fun? or sober?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
