tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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