Screwed.edu
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
