I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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