Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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