This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
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Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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