I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
