Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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