soooo we both peed the bed last night...
a search helicopter?!
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
