Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
20 People Confess What It’s Really Like To Live Under Sharia Law
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
21 Texts That Prove All the Magic Happens in Parking Lots
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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