Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I stole a fireplace last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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