I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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