he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.