Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
