The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
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He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce