i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"