How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.