true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.