I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
