so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
