I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
