Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i barfeds in our rink
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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