Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
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We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
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