Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
