i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize