yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
