Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?