week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER