this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
you traded sex for a burrito?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window