'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.