This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice