Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.