well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
