I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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