I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
