this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
