my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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