First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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