You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
