She's JV to your varsity
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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