Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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