I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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