just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
