My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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