We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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