The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
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WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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