But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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