I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
