I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
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Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize