i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
