omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
