first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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