They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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