When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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