dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
