The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
