Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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