I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
