If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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