The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
